One Day More! (The Oscar Version)
DANIEL DAY-LEWIS
One day more!
Another role for the Academy.
This method-acted road to Oscar three;
I play a president who died,
My statue must not be denied.
STEVEN SPIELBERG:
One day more!
ANNE HATHAWAY:
Tom Hooper let me cry and scream,
He cut my hair and tore my dress up,
TOM HOOPER:
One day more.
HATHAWAY & HUGH JACKMAN:
He said he’d let us dream a dream,
And even shoot it all in close-up.
JESSICA CHASTAIN, EMMANUELLE RIVA & QUVENZHANE WALLIS:
Chastain: Can’t we reward strong women?
Riva & Wallis: Will Oscar make history?
Chastain: Even those that are directors?
Riva & Wallis: For the young or for the old?
Chastain: Find Osama Bin Laden,
Riva & Wallis: Give our indie films a chance!
Chastain: Lose to manic pixie girl.
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, TOMMY LEE JONES, ALAN ARKIN, CHRISTOPH WALTZ, ROBERT DE NIRO:
HOFFMAN: Who will be the master now?
JONES: I looked better in the wig.
ARKIN: They picked me over John Goodman.
WALTZ: Momentum is on my side!
JONES: Twenty years now since I won.
WALTZ: Good thing Leo isn’t here!
DE NIRO: Do I really need a third?
THE WORLD:
You’ve won before, so no one cares!
BENH ZEITLIN:
One day more!
BEN AFFLECK:
Though you snubbed me as director,
I will claim your highest prize!
I will beat out Steven Spielberg,
Bring tears to Matt Damon’s eyes!
DAVID O. RUSSELL:
One day more!
BRADLEY COOPER & JENNIFER LAWRENCE:
Rom-coms can be good.
Rom-coms can have themes.
Love can cure all illnesses and it is free!
Do a little dance.
Football helps a bunch.
Our films have made millions so you must love us!
ALL THE TECHNICAL NOMINEES (IN TWO GROUPS):
1: We are really quite important.
2: Though you don’t know who we are!
1: They will cut our speeches short.
2: Even when we’re still talking!
1: All nominees should be honored.
2: There's an Oscar to be won!
1 & 2: We get to hear Adele sing!
ANG LEE:
I’ll win the most! From all the techs!
MICHAEL HANEKE:
Un jour de plus!
SETH MCFARLANE (IN FOREGROUND)
I am here to entertain you.
I’m a hit among the youth.
I’ll be better than James Franco.
And I promise that’s the truth.
(IN BACKGROUND) BENH ZEITLIN, SALLY FIELD,
TOMMY LEE JONES, KATHRYN BIGELOW:
ZEITLIN: I’m still the new kid on the block,
FIELD & JONES: Coattails can be good. Coattails work just fine.
BIGELOW: The boys locked me out again!
ZEITLIN: But Beasts is really quite impressive.
KATHRYN BIGELOW:
One day more!
AMY ADAMS & JOAQUIN PHOENIX (IN FOREGROUND)
Always nominees
Never get the gold.
They won’t honor us
Until we both get old.
(IN BACKGROUND) NAOMI WATTS, HELEN HUNT,
JACKI WEAVER, DENZEL WASHINGTON
WATTS: I cried more than Hathaway
HUNT: Did you even see my film?
WEAVER: Two noms is quite good for an Aussie.
WASHINGTON: One more Oscar for the mantel,
Guess that wouldn’t be so bad.
SALLY FIELD:
We'll see just how much they like me.
QUENTIN TARANTINO:
Tomorrow isn’t far away,
Tomorrow they’ll give me screenplay.
ALL:
Tomorrow we'll discover
What our God Harvey Weinstein has in store!
ALL THE MEN:
One more bow.
ALL THE WOMEN:
One more gown.
ALL:
One day more!
.
